Who’s old? You’re old! But you’re looking good, considering. Honest! No, really!
- 1pm The Horsebrass is 50, even older than the Swine! (4534 SE Belmont)
- 2pm TPK Brewing at 5051 SE Hawthorne opened right around Halloween, 2023, what a baby! You have many condiments in your fridge that are older than that. Talk about a total party kill. Maybe clean out your fridge to cheer yourself up when you get home, before you go to bed at 8pm!
- 3pm Bare Bones is sweet sixteen. Remember your sweet 16? No of course you don’t because you are old! ish! (2908 SE Belmont)
- 4pm The fleeting days of Lilliputian Euro Grocery are gone. Get with the times! For the past six years, it has been Gol, and it’s been a soccer bar since the teens. Sheesh. (1739 SE Hawthorne)
- 5pm The folks at 1709 Hawthorne have been having No Fun for only 11 years, not nearly as long as you!
We gratefully acknowlege the 7 lizards who died and the 15 gallons of water that just got fukkin used up so that ChatGPT could make us these cartoons. Everything’s ok! Don’t worry!